The listless quest of the infinite jest. Two drink minimum.

Dan Saves Community College

Special guest and friend of the show Marcus O. Vaughn decides to stop by and help Dan figure out the problems with the purgatory of higher education— community college. Along the way we discuss whale oil cars, whether Moby Dick took place in Boston, and regale the audience with stories of how Dan broke a tie in Las Vegas! Also included are a special education-themed edition of “Question Time,” and new friend of the show Ol’ Dirty Bastard drops by for his financial planning segment called, “Baby I Got Your Money.”



Another New Episode!

Dan Himself - Got Your Money

ODB comes to you LIVE on the Dan Saves the World podcast with his brand new segment about financial planning, called “Baby I Got Your Money.” New stock tips, hints, and areas where the SEC won’t catch you breaking the law! Check it out and then make sure to download the new Dan Saves the World pocast on iTunes or Stitcher!

“Because my life is dope and I do dope shit!”

—   Kanye West when asked by a friend why he was watching Dave Chappelle edit sketches for his show when he was on it.

Dan Saves Sports Talk

In this episode, our hero tries to reason with sports fans out there about how to become better fans and less like sports trolls. On top of that, we have more Question Time and a new segment: Stupid Stuff Dan Has Purchased!



Another New Episode!

Dan Himself - ESPN 30 for 30: Sports

ESPN has decided to sponsor my Dan Saves the World podcast! I’m so pumped! This is the commercial that they sent me to play during my podcast, to help them promo one of their new 30 for 30 specials coming up!

On Oreos...

Me:

Have you tried the new Reese's Peanut Butter Oreos yet?

Elliott:

Do you think there's any scenario on Earth in which I haven't tried EVERY flavor of Oreo there is?

“The plan was to drink until the pain over, but what’s worse? The pain or the hangover?”

—   Kanye West, “Dark Fantasy”

“I just feel like good things always happen at Taco Bell.”

—   My sister, who may be the David Foster Wallace of white trash.
Dan Saves the World - Iraq PSA

Here’s a PSA that I had to create after my most recent episode of the Dan Saves the World Podcast. In case you were wondering what kind of experience you can look forward to…

Once More Into the Breach…

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead!
In peace there’s nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger!”

Such is how one might assume William Shakespeare would view our possible continued sojourn into the forsaken deserts of Iraq.

The President is considering a plan to send 100 special forces into Iraq to advise their government on how to handle a massive tsunami of rebellion, trying to plug holes in a dam with fingers mere moments before the waves crash against it. For the life of me I don’t understand what people think 100 special forces advisors will accomplish where 170,000 couldn’t, but that’s really neither here nor there.

ISIS— a rebel group so terrible that al Qaeda broke off ties with it due to it being too barbaric— is taking over Iraq. It’s awful, and it’s our fault. It’s absolutely our fault, as the United States. There can be no denying that.

A lot of misery will play out over the coming weeks, months, and years. Moreso than ever did before. And it’s on us. The blood is on our hands. I’m not saying our hearts weren’t in the right place (although there are those who would definitely say that.) I’m just saying

So obviously Americans want to help out. We want to be the heroes, to fulfill that delusion of grandeur that we regularly fail to live up to. But in this instance, we just can’t.

I’m reminded of that scene in Pulp Fiction where Marcellus is talking to Bruce Willis’ character. “That’s pride fuckin’ with ya. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts… it never helps. You fight thru it.” Pride will do us no good in Iraq.

Because the proud thing to do is to own our mistake. To clean it up. But sometimes when you try to clean things up, you just make it worse. It’s like quicksand— you fight and fight and it only sucks you in deeper.

Ultimately, some things can’t be repaired. We should have known that offing Saddam Hussein would create a whirlwind we couldn’t hope to predict, let alone control. But we didn’t. And we should have known that disbanding all facets of the Iraqi government would leave a power vacuum so big that this would happen. But we didn’t.

And now there’s really nothing we can do. Because to go back into Iraq would not only prolong the problem, but it would hurt our nation as well. And what then?

This whole thing kills me, because I’m a liberal at heart. And not the “defeat Republicans at all costs” liberal. I’m the kinda liberal that thinks there’s some great spark inside all of us, that somewhere we can all get along. I’m the worst kind of liberal. And despite that, it just kills me to know that despite all of our power as a nation, there’s still just some things that we cannot control.

And to try to help would be a terrible mistake. All we can do is move on and promise ourselves that we’ll learn from these last ten years, so further on down the road when it happens again, we know better how to act. That’s the only real way we can repay the tremendous loss of lives in Iraq, and start to wash away all the blood on our hands.